Food is an essential fuel for nurturing stronger bonds between caretakers and youth
One of the key responsibilities of a foster parent is creating a safe, nurturing environment where foster youth can heal and feel secure. But, transitioning to a new home can be a significant adjustment for both the child and the foster parent, often complicated by cultural differences or lingering trauma. These challenges can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, awkward situations, and strained relationships.
Fortunately, there are various ways for foster parents to connect with their children. Some may share personal stories to get their child to open up, while others emphasize structure and consistency. No child is the same, so foster parents should remain flexible, adapting to each child’s unique needs. However, there’s one universal tool that can be effective for any child: food.
Building relationships with food
While many see food merely as sustenance, for growing families and youth in foster care, it represents so much more. According to the UNC Medical Center, food can profoundly shape experiences, both positive and negative. Parents play a crucial role in enriching a healthy relationship with food by focusing on nourishing meals and avoiding the creation of fears or anxieties about calories. An essential aspect of this is ensuring that families eat together, connect, and establish regular routines.
Maintaining a healthy dialogue around food is also important. While it’s essential to explain which foods are nutritious and in what quantities, being overly critical or shaming children can lead to resentment. According to the University of Rochester Medical Center, using food as a reward for good behavior can needlessly confuse and impact diets. Whether it’s a salad or a scoop of ice cream, helping children make informed decisions promotes self-control and decision-making.
Foster parents like Sara have come up with creative solutions to this issue. While kids might be too shy or nervous to mention food sensitivities, Sara uses a method that minimizes any tension.
“I call it the ‘24-hour basket,’” she says. “It has snacks…fruit. I tell them, ‘At any point, grab a food if you’re hungry,’ because food issues are a huge deal for our kids.”
Cooking with children
Involving a child in the cooking process can also be a fun and educational activity. While some kitchen tasks and devices can be too dangerous, there are plenty of safe food activities for kids to enjoy. Simple tasks like measuring ingredients, washing food or dishes, stirring, whisking, setting the table, and cleaning up are engaging and harmless ways for them to participate.
Involving children in cooking makes the process enjoyable and provides a valuable learning experience. By taking part, children can gain practical skills in meal preparation, ingredient selection, and kitchen hygiene, which they can carry with them into the future.
Preparing meals together also offers a valuable opportunity to bond with your child. Collaborating in the kitchen allows guardians to learn more about their child’s problem-solving skills and ability to follow directions, providing insights into how to better support their development. Plus, by the end of the process, you’ll have a meal made with love that you can both enjoy.
Creating routines through food
As youth enter foster care, they sometimes come from stressful and chaotic environments where they have had to fend for themselves. Fortunately, food offers a unique solution to this problem. Whether it’s a warm bowl of soup for lunch or a classic homemade apple pie for dessert, consistent meals made with care engage our senses, provide comfort, and help us feel at ease.
To help foster youth feel integrated into their new family, it’s important to create traditions and events, with family dinners being a key example. Establishing special customs, such as saying grace before each meal or having themed nights like Taco Tuesday, sets expectations and gives the youth something to look forward to.
As youth unwind from the stresses of school and extracurricular activities, sharing meals and engaging in conversation is vital. In an age of digital distractions, spending quality time together helps youth develop essential skills and make lifelong connections. Learning how to maintain eye contact, carry on a conversation, and practice proper manners are lessons they will cherish forever.
For Altagracia, a foster parent at Cayuga Centers, food and cooking are vital for connecting with the youth in unaccompanied children services, who originate from all over the world. The kitchen has become a key space where she offers advice and guidance to the children while they prepare delicious meals together. She has found that the process can make challenging discussions more approachable.
“I always talk to them. It’s not how you came to the country. It’s how you will live the rest of your life here,” she says. “Go to school, go to college, and make a difference for yourself and your family.”
Using food to bridge cultures
When foster youth enter a new home, it’s natural for them to feel homesick, especially if they’re not placed in kinship care or with someone who shares their culture. They might find themselves in a completely unfamiliar environment, sometimes under the care of a foster parent of a different race or culture. There’s a reason why many people treasure a home-cooked meal for the sense of familiarity and satisfaction it brings.
Altagracia makes a point of preparing meals from a wide range of cultures, often driving to different markets to find specific ingredients. The joy she sees on a child’s face makes the effort worthwhile.
Although finding niche ingredients was once challenging, grocery stores have continued to make it easier for consumers like Altagracia. For example, Asian-owned supermarkets continue to pop up across the U.S., offering authentic food they can’t get anywhere else. According to the New York Times, Asian-owned grocers have become a “phenomenon,” with Americans purchasing half a billion packets of Shin Ramyun in 2023 alone.
Foster parents may not cook exactly like a child’s birth family, but making meals that the child likes can help them feel at home.
Tips and resources for foster parents
Deciding what to cook for dinner can be a challenge on its own, and it can become more time-consuming when you consider a child’s specific needs. Food insecurity and food trauma are serious issues that require sensitivity and patience. Fortunately, there are resources available that make cooking manageable and fun, even for those who don’t consider themselves great cooks.
Dining at Restaurants
If there’s no food in the house, taking a child out to eat or ordering food can be the next best option. It provides a new experience for children, offers opportunities to socialize, and gives parents a much-needed break. However, it’s important to do this in moderation to avoid disrupting family traditions or dinner routines and racking up needless bills.
Online recipes
Families often have favorite recipes passed down through generations. But, for those looking to try something new, there are plenty of recipes and cookbooks available online. Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest feature many food creators sharing their cooking skills and tips. With a bit of research, you can discover hidden gems that may become new family favorites.
Meal kits
Grocery shopping can be a time-consuming and expensive chore, adding to a guardian’s stress and workload. Fortunately, family meal kits have emerged as a convenient alternative. These subscription services deliver fresh ingredients and recipes right to your doorstep. Among the various options available, Blue Apron and HelloFresh are popular choices that offer a personalized touch.
To find solutions to food insecurity at home and inspire a child’s development, there needs to be a balance between consistency and spontaneity. Encouraging kids to try new foods can help them grow their tastes and personalities. However, respecting their cultural roots and making them feel comfortable in their new homes remain primary goals.
