The foster care journey begins.
Stephanie and Michael didn’t always have a calling to be foster parents. An empty room in their home that they did not know how to fill sparked the journey to foster parenting.
Inspiration came from stories their friends shared at church. They started a year of research, connecting with friends who fostered and meeting with various agencies.
Over three years, they have fostered six children and provided a few respite care stays. “Fostering means everything to us.” Stephanie says, “knowing [that] you’ve sparked this new life into them, and just letting them know there is another life out there. We absolutely love fostering and hope to do it for a while.”
Finding the right foster care support agency was critical
After dozens of agency recommendations from their church and friends and research they did on their own, it was time to decide. Cayuga Centers stood out to Stephanie when their first foster care informational interview specialist “took an hour of her day to go through and answer as many questions as possible.”
The family services support from their Cayuga Centers team and mental health professionals have been critical when learning how to help youth heal from traumatic events. Through tools, training, and therapies, they learn how to deal with traumatic stress or any challenges that arise.
“We’ve never encountered anything that they weren’t able to jump in and help us work it out”, Stephanie says, “It’s the whole team, not just one person, really. Everybody is just wonderful”.
Cayuga Centers has also helped Stephanie and Michael grow their support network by connecting them with experienced foster parents who are invaluable., “When you’re getting that new placement, and maybe you don’t have the car seat or crib…[it’s a] quick network to reach out to, Michael explains, “It’s a good resource to be able to speak to each other.”
How to overcome foster youth attachment and separation
As a foster parent, you provide a child with a safe and nurturing home as they heal from past trauma. You teach them life skills to navigate the future with the ultimate goal of reuniting them with their family, who independently work on healing and overcoming their own obstacles. Stephanie and Michael have found their coping strategies in different ways.
For Michael, focusing on the goal of reunification keeps him grounded from the moment they first walk in. He says, “I want to do everything in my power to make sure I care for [foster youth] until this unification process happens.”
Stephanie’s approach is acknowledging and accepting their stay is temporary. “When they walk in the door, you need to tell yourself they are here as a visitor. You are here to take care of that visitor, and it’s a blessing to you and your family.”
“Foster firsts” bring joy
A common sentiment from foster parents is the joy of watching their foster child experience something for the first time.
Parents and children can take things for granted from time to time. We may take our kids shopping for personal school supplies, take them to the zoo or theme park, or enjoy watching them play their favorite sport as part of our daily lives. But for many foster youths, these activities have never been achievable with their birth parents.
Michael and Stephanie will never forget seeing their foster son’s face when he went to the zoo for the first time. And Michael remembers the time he watched his foster son make his first basketball goal. He says, “Those are the little joyous rewards that I get … seeing those first moments happen.”
You don’t need to be a perfect parent
Sometimes, parenting is stressful. Becoming a first-time foster parent might seem daunting, especially if you feel you don’t know anything. It’s essential to recognize that every family has a unique and personal journey.
Perfection is not a requirement. In the words of Michael, “You’ll learn along the way.” Parenting resources and support are just a phone call away through your agency or network of existing foster parents.
According to The Child Welfare Information Gateway, there are over 407,000 youth in the United States foster care system and only 208,824 licensed homes. Foster parents are urgently needed, whether they be experienced or new.
If perfection is not needed, what does make a good foster parent? Stephanie says it best:
“If you have the heart and the compassion to serve and help others, this is an amazing way to do that. It’s been a great experience for us. It’s been challenging, but in the end, it’s so rewarding. It really is. We’re thankful that we are able to experience it”.
