Fostering LGBTQIA youth in the foster care system brings its own set of challenges, especially for cisgender parents. How can you become an ally?
Imagine being a teenager again. Remember how simple life was? Your main concerns were school, friends, dating, and after-school activities. You were trying to find who you were.
Kids today struggle with who they think they aren’t, constantly questioning if they’re smart, strong, or pretty enough.
But what if who you are was the hardest to accept?
LGBTQIA foster care statistics
Right now, nearly 400,000 children are in the US foster care system. Of those, up to 30% identify as part of the LGBTQIA community. Outside of foster care, 11% of youth identify as LGBTQIA.
While these youth are overrepresented in foster care, the number of LGBTQIA youth may actually be underreported – because children are keeping their identities a secret for fear of retaliation.
Many of those children find themselves needing placement for the same reasons their peers do.
Some youth suffer from child abuse and neglect, but the reality is that members of the LGBTQIA community have the added trauma of being discriminated against because of simply who they are.
Unfortunately, some children are in the foster care system because they have been rejected or have run away based on their gender or sexual identity. Furthermore, the harassment may continue within the foster care system. LGBTIQIA children are more likely to have placements in mulitble foster homes.
As a foster parent, you have the opportunity to create a positive relationship in an LGBTQIA youth’s life.
Creating a safe space for your foster child
It’s important to remember that no matter what your child’s orientation or gender identity is, creating an environment that they can feel comfortable in is your top priority.
Your child may or may not feel comfortable sharing their orientation with you, especially if you provide respite foster care and have a short time to bond with your foster children.
One of the things you can do to prepare is to know what types of questions youth may ask you before, during, or after they come out.
Some of these questions could include:
- How do you feel about the LGBTQIA community? Do you support them?
- Do you know of any local resources? Are there any support groups I can attend?
- Would you support my transition using my chosen name and pronouns?
- Would you allow me to express my gender in a way that I am comfortable with?
- Are you comfortable speaking up for me and advocating for me with other adults?
- Are you familiar with LGBTQIA topics? Are you willing to learn?
Source: ACR Health, Q Center
Make sure to let the child know that regardless of your, or their orientation or gender identity, everyone is welcome in your home. In addition, reaffirm that you support your foster youth in every facet of their life.
Sharing resources with foster youth
If you’re a cis/hetero foster parent, it’s possible that your foster child may not feel comfortable approaching you to talk, so it’s important to have other available resources for them.
There are many LGBTQIA centers in the United States. GLAAD is an organization that covers many issues under the LGBTQIA umbrella, including online resources specifically for youth. The Child Welfare Information Gateway lists numerous organizations that could be valuable resources for your foster youth.
“You have already chosen to make a positive impact in the life of a child with your love, support, and guidance,” said Karen Fuller, a peer advocate with ACR Health/The Q Center in Central New York.
“When you open your heart and home to an LGBTQIA* youth, you are not just changing a life you might actually be saving a life.”
Resources for parents of LGBTQIA foster youth
You may wonder, what resources are there for me a parent? How can I educate myself on LGBTQIA topics and issues? The Child Welfare Information Gateway has also published a fact sheet for foster parents. This study by the Human Rights Campaign is also helpful.
Remember, your education does not end after a child shares their identity with you. New terms are added to the LGBTQIA lexicon all the time. Some terms may vary by region or culture.
Some tips to make sure your foster child knows they are supported regardless are:
- Do not make assumptions about someone’s gender identity or sexual orientation.
- Ask the child their pronouns and/or preferred name when safe and appropriate, and respect them.
- Openly discourage any LGBTQIA jokes or slurs when heard in person or through entertainment or on social media.
- Include your favorite LGBTQIA celebrities, age-appropriate LGBTQIA TV shows, movies and books in relevant discussions.
- Keep up to date with changing terminology and language.
The best thing you can do for your LGBTQIA foster child is to be supportive. Especially if that has been lacking in their lives before.
You may not understand what they’re going through, but this is true of all the children you foster.
Additional Resources
Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
Hear from LGBTQIA+ foster youth here.
To learn more about becoming a foster parent, visit cayugacenters.org.
