By Ashley Argese, Assistant Vice President of Communications at Cayuga Centers
The motivation to become foster parents
Nikki and James began their foster care journey over three years ago and have welcomed four teens into their home. Their decision to foster was deeply personal, rooted in Nikki’s own experience as a youth in foster care. Both Nikki and James wanted to give back to their community.
“My journey in foster care encouraged me to want to be a foster parent”, reflects Nikki.
“My journey… wasn’t a good journey. It made me want to be the total opposite of what I went through. I ended up being okay. God blessed me, and maybe we can bless somebody else.”
Like Nikki, former foster youth often give back to their communities after aging out of the foster care system. Sometimes this involves volunteering, working in a field that supports youth and families, or becoming a foster parent.
While the child welfare system has its shortcomings, foster parents play a crucial role in making positive changes. Many adults who grew up in foster care feel motivated to make the difference they needed in their own lives.
Nikki and James’ story shows how caring adults can make a significant impact on a child’s future.
Meeting the different needs of youth in foster care
The couple’s fostering journey has included both respite and Treatment Family Foster Care (TFFC), allowing them to meet various needs within their community. They have also stepped up to fill the growing need for fostering teenagers.
“The need for foster homes for teenagers has grown exponentially,” Shayne Jervey, LPCMH, Director of Delaware Programs shares. “The needs of our teenagers are different than the needs of younger kids, but it’s important that we don’t forget that they are a need, and they do need homes, and they do need care and support.”
Finding foster homes for teens can be hard, but Nikki and James know the importance. The couple works hard to create a loving environment that meets each teenager’s unique needs. They understand the challenges faced by foster care youth and actively work to ensure they do not feel neglected.
A special aspect of Nikki and James’ fostering journey also includes fostering sibling groups. Data shows that 53-80% of siblings are separated, creating long-lasting trauma and making time in foster care more difficult.
Shortly after they began fostering, Nikki and James welcomed a teenage girl into their home. When Cayuga Centers later called and asked them to take in the her sibling who was also in care, they didn’t hesitate to open their home.
“The [siblings] staying together meant a lot,” Nikki shares. “They only had each other and they were already taken from their brother. I didn’t even know her name, her age. I just said ‘Okay, no problem.'”.
Building their extended family
Inside a foster home, meaningful experiences are important for children to heal and grow. Nikki and James parent both biological children and foster children. They prioritize experiences that bring the extended family together.
They host family dinners and have formed deep connections during these times. “On Sundays, we all get together, we have dinner, we say grace, and we sit around and talk. Bringing in [our biological] family, makes [foster children] feel like they’re part of the family.”, Nikki shares.
It is a special family tradition they will continue.
James, who calls himself a “kid at heart” finds joy in creating family moments through physical activity. “We like to do different things… to bring them together and just have some fun,” James shares.
The family’s home is full of activities including game nights, karaoke, bowling, skating, visits to the YMCA, trips to Six Flags, and winter sports like skiing, snowboarding, and tubing.
James has found that the activities help build strong, positive relationships, and self-esteem. Some of their favorite activities are centered around exercise challenges, including obstacle courses. These activities bring out the teenagers’ enthusiasm and competitive spirit.
Overcoming challenges with teenagers in foster care
Nikki and James have faced obstacles throughout their fostering journey. One of the most difficult aspects has been watching the youth leave their home to return to their biological families.
“Watching them leave my home was pretty difficult.” James says. “Although we had challenges with the child, it was difficult and heartbreaking because these kids don’t really understand what is going on… So we cried. It was a concern about their future. Watching them leave, it’s not an easy thing.”
Nikki and James have found invaluable support from their Cayuga Centers treatment team, which they refer to as their “village”. The team has been a constant source of help, providing assistance even in the middle of the night during crises.
“The old saying is ‘you need a village to bring up a child’ and Cayuga Centers is part of that village,” Nikki shares, “You can call them at any time. Whatever you need, no matter how small, how big, they’re there to support you.”
This support system helps Nikki and James navigate the complexities of foster care. It ensures that they can provide a safe and nurturing environment for the teens in their home.
What is it like to foster teenagers?
Fostering children of any age can have its challenges. Sometimes, people are nervous about accepting young adults into their homes.
“If there is a fear factor, let it go,” Shayne Jervey advises. “We were all teenagers. Teens are us. Teens are in your schools, teens are around the corner from you, in coaching, in sports. It’s easy to think about the babies, but let’s not forget our teenagers need the same support… and there are a lot of people out there who have what they are looking for.”
Looking ahead
Nikki and James have fostered four teenagers, but are ready to take on more. They encourage other families to consider fostering teens.
[Fostering] means giving an underprivileged child an opportunity at life,” James says. “It’s worth it because you’re giving back to the child and the community.”
If you are interested in fostering teens or want to learn about how to help youth aging out of foster care, visit cayugacenters.org
