By Rivkah Estrin, Cayuga Centers Trainer
Youth in the foster care system, whether in traditional foster care or kinship care, face trauma. They experience separation and loss from parents, caregivers, friends, schools, and familiar places like their neighborhoods. Building healthy attachments is one of the lasting positive effects you can have as a caregiver. This impacts the emotional growth of youth in foster care.
At Cayuga Centers, we teach our foster parents how to build secure and healthy attachments with youth in foster care. We also surround our foster parents and children with a support team to ensure a successful placement. Our Treatment Family Foster Care programs use a bundled support approach and ensure every child has the support they need to heal.
What is healthy attachment?
Healthy attachment supports youth’s connection to safe and trusted adults.
There have likely been caregivers in the child’s past who did not protect them or meet their needs. As a loving caregiver, you can provide the nurturing necessary for healthy attachment.
Attachment refers to how individuals form emotional bonds and relationships with others. Psychologist John Bowlby first introduced attachment theory, and Mary Ainsworth later expanded it. According to attachment theory, early interactions with caregivers shape our attachment patterns and styles. These attachment styles influence how we seek comfort, handle stress, and form relationships in adulthood.
You can find blogs, social media posts, and books on attachment styles. Types of attachment styles include: healthy attachment style, avoidant attachment style, anxious attachment style, disorganized attachment style, secure attachment style, and fearful avoidant attachment style.
Will forming attachments in foster care be helpful or harmful to the child?
Helpful! So many positive results can come from building healthy, secure attachments with youth in foster care. Even if their stay with you is temporary, the attachment you nurture with that child can have a lifelong positive effect on their emotional development. Healthy attachment helps children recover from past childhood traumas.
Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., is a teacher, clinician, and researcher in children’s mental health and neurosciences. His research and practice look at how childhood experiences, both good and bad, change the brain’s biology. This includes the cognitive, behavioral, emotional, social, and physiological effects of neglect and childhood trauma, as well as healthy attachment relationships.
As Dr. Bruce Perry states, “The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change, and the most powerful therapy is human love.”
How to develop secure attachment with your child
This is one of the main questions caregivers ask. You might worry about building attachments with a child who might soon reunify with their parents. Or the child displays challenging behaviors that make it hard to build a connection. Here are some practical steps you can take to build healthy attachments and start the process of healing childhood trauma.
Be consistent and reliable
When children have predictability and can rely on you as a consistent caregiver, they feel safe. This is called felt safety. This is different from being in a physically safe space. Felt safety refers to the internal experience of the youth, where they feel open to building the healthy attachments necessary for healing childhood trauma.
Be curious
When we are curious about someone and ask questions about their interests, their dreams, and their goals, we show them that we truly care. Showing curiosity and paying attention to what the child says and their non-verbal cues shows that you care.
Notice if your child prefers to be close to you or if they prefer personal space. Notice if they lash out when upset or turn inward. Notice if they prefer detailed explanations or simple statements.
The more curious you are and the more you get to know the individual child in your care, the more they will feel seen. This encourages them to build healthy attachments with you.
Model relational repair
When people disagree or have conflict, it can be scary for a youth in care. They may worry that these disagreements could lead to violence or that someone might remove them from the home because of their behavior.
One way to counter the negative effects of conflict is to model the repair that comes after conflict. After the conflict ends and everyone is calm, apologize. Talk about what happened. Reassure the child that you love them, care for them, and they are safe with you.
The gift of unconditional love and acceptance nurtures healthy attachment.
What are the signs of healthy attachment in relationships?
Children and teens who have healthy attachments feel safe to express their feelings. They show signs of emotional regulation, meaning they exhibit self-control. They have the ability to make choices when presented with options.
The experience of secure attachment positively affects the child’s future more than the amount of time spent together. Healthy attachment for a few weeks or a few months will impact the youth for years to come. In addition, the experience of building a healthy attachment with the youth will leave you changed for the better as well.
Are you thinking about fostering? Take the Quiz to find out your foster parent personality.
References:
Perry, B. & Szalavit, M. (2006). “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook–What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing”. Basic Books.
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. Lawrence Erlbaum.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. Basic Books.
