By Ashley Argese, Assistant Vice President of Communications at Cayuga Centers
*Child names have been changed for privacy
Rachel and Matthew’s foster care journey began in an unexpected way. Living in Pittsburgh, PA, Rachel worked as a Youth Counselor and Services Coordinator at a school, while Matthew built hot rods and custom cars.
Life was filled with work, their shared home, and caring for their cherished foster pets — until a casual connection at Rachel’s school eventually led them to foster their daughter, Anna*.
How her history in the child welfare system made Rachel decide to foster
While the connection was unexpected, the dream to be a foster parent one day was not new for Rachel. Rachel had grown up in and aged out of the foster care system. She had known since she was 15 that she wanted to eventually become a foster mom and give back – specifically to help teenagers.
“[My goal was] helping those that I saw and couldn’t help as a kid, or those I hurt as a kid. Being in care yourself is a different experience — and I wanted to pay it forward. I don’t want my daughter to have the same experience I did.”
Rachel
For the same reason, she became a mental health counselor.
Foster care statistics from the National Foster Youth Initiative show that less than 10% of youth who age out of the system obtain a higher education degree. This statistic made it important for Rachel to help a young person succeed.
How a school connection led to Rachel and Matthew meeting their daughter
Rachel had first met the seventeen-year-old when Anna was receiving mental health services. She later saw her in passing at the school where she worked. At one point, Anna opened up to Rachel about how her current foster placement wasn’t going well and that she was struggling.
As a mental health worker, Rachel could see that these struggles were likely due to Anna not receiving the mental health services she needed.
Eventually, the opportunity came up for Anna to be moved to a new foster home and Rachel decided it was her time to step up. She and Matthew began an emergency foster care certification process, involving training and parenting classes. Because they already knew Anna from their community, their foster care placement is called a fictive kin placement.
“We were already in process of getting our certification so that we could become foster parents, and, this girl just kind of fell into our lap, and then we fell in love with her and knew that we needed to be her forever home and be there for her.” Rachel shares.
Rachel and Matthew became certified and got their Allegheny County foster care license with Cayuga Centers Treatment Family Foster Care program, a program that provides therapeutic foster care services to teenagers who need enhanced support and therapy. Through Cayuga Centers, Rachel was also able to connect Anna to additional mental health services and a clinician who provided weekly therapy.
Finding balance with a new foster care placement
Rachel and Matthew welcomed Anna into their home with open arms. They worked as a team getting Anna to appointments and school. Rachel admits that she had to do some self-reflection on separating her role as a therapist vs. a mom.
“The relationship between a mother and child and a therapist and their client is completely different. And we got to a point where Anna told me, ‘I don’t want to talk to you as a therapist. I want to talk to you as my mom.’ And we had to develop a kind of code saying, ‘Are you asking for advice from me as a therapist, or are you looking to talk to me as your mom?’ And so I had to figure out and navigate how to wear two different hats in the home.”
Foster care was also an adjustment for Matthew. He had never had children. Within a few years, he went from being single to being in a serious relationship. Soon, he was fostering a teenage girl. He worried that their foster daughter wouldn’t like him, but knowing he would have Cayuga Centers support services, he decided to move forward anyway.
“I jumped right in. And that meant changing my manner of thinking and the way that I lived my life. I was living for other people now and really needed to approach things in a much more therapeutic manner. I had to really analyze every situation and make sure that I approached it in the right way to not harm anybody’s feelings.”, Matthew shared.
Breakthroughs and Bonding Moments
Building a connection with Anna took time, and the family experienced their share of bumps along the way. Rachel recalls one instance when Anna was upset and feeling distressed, she unexpectedly came to her room seeking support. Rachel turned the moment into a teaching opportunity, offering guidance, though Anna seemed hesitant to embrace the help.
“I looked at her and I said, ‘Anna, this is what moms do. Moms help each other and help their babies. And you are my baby. And whether you like it or not, I want you to ask me for help. Because I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what it is.’ She was able to really express what she was feeling. I just remember her sitting there and wide-eyed like a deer in headlights because she had never really had someone be there for her when she really needed it.”, Rachel shares.
Over time, Anna warmed up to living as a family and showed it in little ways. One of Rachel’s proudest moments was when Anna felt safe enough to start leaving her personal items in the bathroom, not just in her bedroom.
Family dynamics began to change as the family grew closer. They bonded through game nights, video game marathons, self-care days, movie nights, and painting together. Matthew was able to have his relatives over to spend time with Anna, too.
He shares, “My mother always wanted grandkids from me. And it wasn’t something that I was able to give her. And then, when I was able to bring Anna home for the holidays and my family embraced her, I got to see her smiling, laughing, and playing with my nieces and nephews. She was immediately welcomed into the family — I just felt very proud to be able to be a ‘Papa’.”
Continuing as respite parents with support from Cayuga Centers
Rachel and Matthew eventually explored permanent guardianship, accepting Anna as their own. However, they didn’t stop there. They continued to be a community asset to provide respite foster care to other Cayuga Centers foster families. Even Anna has embraced their blended family and her temporary foster siblings.
They found strength and support to continue through Cayuga Centers’ foster care support team. Rachel and Matthew expressed that they appreciated the compassion, accountability, and support Cayuga Centers was able to give them. They had previously worked with another foster care agency that blamed Anna for her struggles, saying she was ‘spoiled’.
Cayuga Centers welcomed Anna and helped her and her family with therapy services, case management, life skills, educational stability, and foster parent support groups.
Rachel shares, “When we joined with Cayuga Centers… it was like a light bulb turned on. Anna was a totally different human being, and suddenly she was smiling and happy, and she had the support that she needed. And we had the support that we needed to want to keep her in our home.”
Matthew has also found support from the Cayuga Centers team. He values that Cayuga Centers does not give up on teenagers in the system whose trauma or behavioral issues have not been properly addressed.
“A lot of these children and young adults have trauma and a lot of people who have ignored them or dismissed their concerns. Having Cayuga Centers listen and be that supportive network – not just for the kids, but also for us parents – is the reason for the progress that we’ve seen with our daughter.”
MATTHEW
The heart of foster care
Caring for children will always be at the heart of Rachel and Matthew’s story. While the path to permanency came with its challenges, it has also brought joy and purpose to their lives.
Matthew’s advice to other foster parents is simple but profound.
Matthew shares, “You have to remember that these kids are coming from a background where they may have been labeled as a bad child or a disruption, and that’s not the case. It’s important to always be compassionate to that. Understand that you need to work on yourself in order to help this kid along.”
Rachel and Matthew’s story reflects the very heart of foster care—believing in children, standing by them through challenges, and never giving up on their potential. Their journey shows how patience, compassion, and commitment can transform a child’s life.
If their story inspires you and you want to help a child in need, visit cayugacenters.org/become-a-foster-parent. There, you can learn about the foster care requirements, licensing process, training, and support to start your foster care journey.
