By Michelle Prego-Milewski, Marketing Specialist at Cayuga Centers
A fictive kin placement united Jen with her daughter. She decided she wanted to do more.
Jen and Jay knew the ins and outs of foster care and the child welfare system well before they welcomed the first child into their home. Both worked as detectives with their local sheriff’s office, and Jen saw the need for foster parents after she began working with the Human Trafficking Coalition in her area.
She was assigned to the case of a child who went into foster care while an investigation was pending. When the case was closed, Jen was contacted about fostering the child.
“We ended up getting our daughter now, and she was with us for a year,” Jen said. “and then we ended up going into a [permanent guardian] process with her and we enjoyed it so much.”
What is fictive kin foster care?
The little girl that Jen would eventually have permanent guardianship over came to her in what is called a fictive kin placement. Fictive kin is similar to kinship care (when the relative of a child in foster care accepts them into their home). In a fictive kin relationship, an unrelated adult that has an emotionally significant relationship with a child is asked to care for them. Fictive kin caregivers can include friends of the family, teachers, coaches, parents of friends, and law enforcement.
As of 2022, 10 states mandate a blood, marriage or adoptive relationship for a prospective guardian. While that number is low, an increased number of states define kin by blood or marriage relationship for notification purposes, so others close to the child may not be aware of their placement in the foster care system.
Since placing a child in the care of someone they know is less traumatic, there has been a push in recent years to change the legal definition of “kin” to include these “fictive kin” relationships.
Beginning another foster care journey
Jen and Jay had such a rewarding experience while caring for their daughter and Jay’s daughter from a previous relationship they decided to continue to foster. In about a year’s time with Cayuga Centers, they have taken in six children, ages five months to 12 years old.
“They all have differences, some similarities, but they all have never had a complete home,” Jay said. “For us, our daughters are just as much involved as we are.”
A new kind of blended family
Sometimes sibling groups can be hard to place due to space limitations and age ranges. However, Jen and Jay welcomed the idea of fostering sibling groups. At one point, the couple had seven children living in their home.
“You’re taking mixed children of different backgrounds and different issues that they were dealing with in their families, and you’re putting them under one roof,” Jay said.
“Honestly, I think that helps it move forward because everybody realizes that they’re different and they realize that they need to be there for the next person.”
Jen and Jay were determined to make it work and stressed the family concept with everyone under their roof.
“My daughters are ‘sissy’ to all of the foster children that come in,” Jay said. “They all consider them family. And I think that’s the one thing that I say we offer them is that family.”
“When we talk about our kids, we don’t say, ‘Well, these are our foster children — they’re our kids,’” Jen continued. “Nobody feels excluded, everyone is the same in our home.”
Structure and stability pay off
The support the couple provides is the backbone of their success as foster parents. One of the children that Jen and Jay have fostered had a poor track record of attending school – he had missed school for an entire year and his grades weren’t the best. When Jen got the call that one of the children in a sibling set needed help, she accepted the challenge.
Gradually, the child went from earning Ds and Fs in the classroom to almost straight As. Jen decided that the one B was completely acceptable for a child that had been named student of the month three times.
“It’s giving them a family unit that maybe they didn’t have and showing them that structure; that there is a loving foundation of family,” Jen said.
A growing family, filled with love
Jen and Jay are willing to take in as many placements as their house can hold, supporting all situations of foster youth. Although their stay is temporary, they know that these are the kids that need support most.
“We give them that complete home,” Jay said. “We try to find what they enjoy doing and then we incorporate the new things and to try to give them that structure of life and, you know, we don’t think of them any different. We go do something, they go with us, so they get to see the full effect of it.”
“That child doesn’t have to be yours for them to fall in that much with you, and for you to fall in that much in love with them,” Jen said.
How you can help
Are you interested in becoming a foster parent? Visit cayugacenters.org to see our requirements and frequently asked questions.
