Anthony embraced foster care despite being new to parenting. Here’s how he became a great dad as a single foster parent.
When Anthony decided to become a foster parent, he admittedly had “300 questions” for the staff at Cayuga Centers. It was not only his first placement, but his first time as a parent.
Through comprehensive training from Cayuga Centers and advice from his family, he was prepared to take on fatherhood. Two years later, he adjusted to his role and has fostered two teenagers, one with specialized medical needs.
An early lesson in foster care
Being a single foster parent is hard, and in Anthony’s case, rare. In the United States, only 3% of foster parents are single males. However, his parents introduced him to the concept of foster care at an early age.
During his childhood, Anthony’s parents provided foster care for teenagers. While the finer details may have faded with time, what he learned from his mother’s role as a foster parent has stuck with him.
Watching his mother nurture a non-biological child was moving. Naturally, when he made the decision to become a foster parent, he turned to her for advice. She shared her thoughts about getting attached and eased his mind of the negative foster care myths.
“She talked about how one person perceived [her foster child] as a problem child,” he said. “But when my mom had [the child], she explained to me that he wasn’t a problem at all.”
These shared experiences have helped Anthony grow into a better foster parent.
Why Anthony became a foster parent
Having experience with foster care wasn’t the only reason Anthony chose to become a foster parent. Anthony wanted to have an impact on children’s lives, and empathized with youth in the foster care system. When he came out as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community as a teen, he felt alienated.
“I know growing up how it felt not being accepted because I was different,” Anthony said. “Finding that sense of belonging was really important for me. I see that in the foster system. I was hoping to give a child a sense of belonging.”
Anthony made the decision to become certified as a Treatment Family Foster Care (TFFC) foster parent. TFFC parents open their home to children who need a higher level of care, most often due to trauma. In Anthony’s case, this meant fostering a child with medical needs.
Becoming a “great” dad
Anthony’s relationship with his first foster child included an early bonding moment. He was searching for a new church in the area and asked the foster youth if he wanted to join him. Curious, his foster child said yes.
The pair was still getting to know each other while sitting in a service. They were shocked when the church informed its congregation that it did not have to support the LGBTQIA+ community. Understandably, Anthony was upset when they left, but what happened next was truly heartwarming.
Anthony shares, “He wrote me a letter and he said, G-A-Y stands for the ‘Great Anthony Yeager’. Nobody [has] ever told me that. That was so beautiful, I’m having goosebumps just talking about it. He even said we don’t have to go to that church anymore.”
Anthony has since found an affirming church that welcomes him and any foster children with open arms.
Fostering a youth with special needs
Working in the public health sector led to a natural transition of caring for a foster child with complex medical needs.
“I was in a hallway in a hospital with children, and some of those kids were also in the foster system,” Anthony recalls. “But since they had no placement, they just stayed there in the hospital. [My child] didn’t really have anybody at the hospital. So when I went and visited him, I could just sense how rewarding it was being there for somebody on a whole new level.”
Although Anthony was familiar with the medical aspect, he was still becoming familiar with day-to-day parenting. For support, he turned to the Cayuga Centers treatment team
“Especially with not having kids in the past, I was like, ‘Should I let them eat this?’” “Should I give them a bedtime or should I give them chores? How do I approach this situation? How do I approach this behavior?” he remembered.
Going the extra mile
Anthony found a unique way to bond with his second placement, a teenager with a chronic condition.
On his second day in Anthony’s care, his foster son mentioned that he missed the pet that he used to have before going into foster care. It had been over a year since the child had seen his cat – he spent his prior placement without it.
This led Anthony on a new mission: to reunite the child with their feline companion. Through many hurdles, Anthony worked through the proper channels in his state and was able to retrieve the pet.
He decided to surprise his foster youth. When he came home and saw his cat, Anthony said the youth’s jaw dropped. When word got out to friends and family about Anthony’s act of kindness, he received offers to supply his new cat with food and, of course, toys.
Having the cat returned to the youth not only boosted his mental health – but physical health as well. The pet had a calming effect on Anthony’s foster child, so much so that the youth’s doctor noticed a difference at a later visit. His stress levels decreased, which greatly improved the management of his illness.
Anthony is still overwhelmed by the offers of support he received, but is grateful for the youth’s progress.
Looking to the future
Today, the foster family has a great relationship with no regrets. Even though Anthony wasn’t an experienced parent before foster care, he has settled into his role as a “great” dad. He encourages others to try fostering — even though the initial phase can be awkward.
“When someone’s interested in fostering, I say be curious,” Anthony said. “It’s kind of like you’re visiting a new place that you have never visited before – a new town, a new state. In this journey, you’re going to have a different set of eyes, a different set of experiences – things that you never thought you would feel. It’s definitely mysterious, but it’s definitely worth it.”
