Discover your purpose
Sharika Kellogg is an impressive woman who has achieved success as an entrepreneur with two businesses and as a consultant for stay-at-home moms wanting to start businesses. With her inspirational, strong, self-reliant, and intelligent qualities, she had yet to attain the title of ‘Mom’.
After trying for years, she found herself in a support group for women who could not have children. That is where she learned about the world of foster care. During her training, she realized her foster journey was not just to be a mom but to be an advocate for children.
“Fostering…is giving a child that does not have a voice, is displaced, (or) is scared, love (and) a home. Somewhere to feel comfortable enough to express themselves, to release emotions that they’ve been holding. And it’s also a place where you are able to help put a family back together if possible.”
Build a solid social support system
Sharika quickly realized she needed to build a strong support system as a single mother. She had left her home in New Jersey to vacation in the sunshine state of Florida and never returned. “My mom is still so upset about that,” she jokes.
Her support in Florida comes from many places, including friends from church, foster parent support groups, birth families, and foster agency staff. She strongly encourages everyone to visit different agencies to understand their services and support and find the best fit.
“Just take your time because they’re family. They’re going to be with you. They’re going to ride the highs and lows with you. You want to make sure that the support is always going to be there”.
She went to six agency orientations before choosing her first one. From there, she moved to Cayuga Centers, where she says, “the team is super, super supportive.”
For more information on Cayuga Centers, their supports, online support groups, and to find orientations starting near you, visit here
Plan your days
Sharika has fostered seven children in foster care through the years. Her family currently sits at five. She is a single mom to four boys ages six, seven, and eight yrs old – with the youngest at eight months. Life is a balancing act.
Her day begins at 4:30 am. She checks email, then cooks and feeds the children breakfast followed by school and day care preparations. After she drops them off at daycare, she works more and cleans her house before the kids come home to “destroy it again.”
“It’s a continual cycle, but it’s so fun. It’s a good time.”.
In addition to her busy schedule as a working Mom, her day also includes school, where she is working towards a master’s degree in mental health counseling. Her motivation? “It’s basically because of Cayuga [Centers}.” The support groups she attended fostered a desire to understand mental health issues, mental illness and provide emotional support to those in need.
Self-care and humor help manage stress in your foster home
For self-care, Sharika plans a manicure and pedicure at least once a month. She also takes time alone at least once a quarter for a much-needed break from the hectic pace of life. She learned these tips from her Cayuga Centers support group, which she says “is one of the best assets that you can have as a foster parent.” Cayuga Centers also offers respite services for short-term relief for caregivers.
Humor is vital in the life of a foster family. Sometimes laughter is the the best medicine when difficult situations arise. Your outlook as a foster parent directly affects your foster children. In the words of Sharika, “if you don’t smile, your children won’t smile.”
Check out these tips for more ways to manage your family members and stress.
Lean on your case manager with a new placement
Getting a new placement can be stressful and disconcerting for foster kids. The child’s background and reasons for needing to be placed are unknown. Sharika advises all foster parents to get information from their case manager before the child’s arrival.
Ask for information about their preferences, including favorite colors, TV shows, bedtime books, or if they have a favorite blanket or toy. Having those familiar things at hand can make all the difference in the world, making things a little less scary for your new addition.
Create a checklist of items to prepare for all situations with your new family addition for even more peace of mind.
