Sara went from being a single trial attorney to a foster parent of four almost overnight. Here’s how she does it – and why she continues to open her home to children in foster care and focuses on keeping siblings together.
When Sara accepted her first foster child, she was just hours removed from getting her approval as a foster parent. She was told that a five-day-old newborn needed a home and jumped at the chance.
Two weeks later, brothers and sisters aged – nine, 10, and 14-year-olds – were removed from their birth parents.
Sibling groups are often hard to place due to a number of circumstances. Sometimes, ages vary widely or the group may be too larger for one foster family to accommodate.
According to recent foster care statistics, nearly 65% of youth in care also have a brother or sister in care, leading to many sibling separations. In the Florida foster care system, where Sara resides, about 35% of youths will end up in separate homes after being removed from a biological parent.
Sara, knowing how often siblings are separated in foster care, welcomed the trio with open arms. Just like that, she went from being a single trial attorney to being a responsible caregiver for four children.
“It was the best experience with the kids, and it was a wonderful foundation,” she said. “I think had it not, I probably would have been scared away from fostering… but the kids were amazing and made it worth it.”
Helping a foster child adjust
Nearly five years later, Sara is an experienced foster parent at Cayuga Centers. She is licensed to foster children ages 0-17 and can take in up to five children at a time. Sara doesn’t balk at fostering sibling groups — she has even taken in multiple sibling groups at once.
“It’s kind of an art, actually. It’s always awkward for the kids; it’s always awkward for you.”
Sara credits Cayuga Centers with helping the youths transition into her care.
“I will say that I’ve been very fortunate to have the best kids in my home,” she said.
“Cayuga does a really good job at not just trying to fill beds as some agencies would do, but knowing their foster parents and then trying to get an idea of the kiddos coming in the door so that we have the best chance of – I don’t want to say success – the best chance of things being smooth.”
Welcoming foster youth into her home
She has her fair share of advice. For example, Sara says the key to a successful intake is limiting expectations over the first 72 hours. She doesn’t set any rigid plans during the first three days and gives the foster child or children time to decompress without pushing.
Sara is also aware of a foster youth’s possible food insecurities, leaving a basket of healthy snacks available for kids to pick through at any time. In addition, she lets children choose a new stuffed animal or blanket when they arrive to comfort them.
Even with a new treat, Sara recognizes that a youth in foster care will want an air of familiarity.
“I can’t tell you how many trash bags I’ve opened of their clothing and their items, and they smell like cigarette smoke or they’re dirty,” she said. “I have become very cognizant that often there will be a cherished item in there and immediately washing that item takes away the scent that the child is used to.”
“As difficult as it is, I try to identify that piece and talk to the little one about it and let them have the very stinky teddy bear that probably has never had a bath.”
Foster care success stories
Sara’s approach has paid off. She recounted the story of two siblings in foster care that had never been given the opportunity to play sports before. They were able to find ones that they loved – one was even named captain and MVP of their team.
She also rewards her foster children with “grand deals” if they excel. Once, she treated her foster children to a trip to the Grand Canyon – her first as well – for raising their grades. She remembered the youths’ awe as they took in the view.
“I remember getting to the top, and the boys looked and they said, ‘Whoa, this is it?” she said. “I said, ‘I’ve never been here buddy, I think so, it looks like it.'”
“Those moments are really exciting. They really are.”
Saying goodbye to a foster child
As a whole, Sara knows that a temporary stay may lead to a painful goodbye. She recognizes another chance to make a difference in a child’s life will be just around the corner. She has realized that if a youth is placed for a short time, she can provide a solid foundation to a child that didn’t ask to be removed from their home.
“I tell people that our heartbreak is just a very small moment,” Sara said. “Your heart heals very quickly when you get the next call of a kid or baby that absolutely needs you at that moment.”
Asked what she would say to someone who is considering foster parenting, her advice was simple:
“This is just doing life,” she said. “It’s just a different label on it.”
How can I become a foster parent?
Learn more about the process and requirements of becoming a foster parent on our website.
